Disordered Love
by Royce
In The Lord of the Rings, there exists a powerful artifact: a golden ring that grants its bearer extraordinary power. Whoever possesses this ring gains abilities that seem almost godlike — invisibility, enhanced strength, and dominion over other magical rings. Yet, as captivating as this power may be, the ring carries a dark secret. No matter how noble the intentions of its bearer, the ring corrupts them from within. Even the most well meaning characters who seek to use its power for good — to free slaves or administer justice — find themselves twisted by its influence.
The ring operates on a simple but devastating principle: it magnifies whatever good thing its bearer desires until that desire becomes all-consuming. What starts as a noble goal becomes an obsession, and the bearer eventually justifies any means to reach their desired end. Values crumble. Integrity fades. The person becomes someone they never intended to be, leaving destruction in their wake.
This fictional ring serves as a perfect metaphor for what happens in our own lives when we elevate good things to the place of God.
St. Augustine spoke of “disordered loves” — the human tendency to love good things in the wrong order. The problem isn’t with the things themselves. Success, family, relationships, achievement — these are all good gifts from God. The issue arises when we love them more than we love the Giver.
When we prop up anything other than our love for God as supreme, it leads to disordered desires. We put ourselves first, our needs first, our desires first. We become consumed by all the wrong things. And those disordered desires inevitably lead to destructive behavior — not just in our own lives, but especially in the lives of those around us.
Think of it like a mathematical equation: 5 + 7 × 5 = ?
If you answered 60, you got the order of operations wrong. The correct answer is 40 because multiplication comes before addition. The numbers themselves aren’t wrong — 5 is still 5, and 7 is still 7. But when you get the order wrong, you get the wrong answer.
The same principle applies to our hearts. When we get the order of our loves wrong, our entire life equation produces the wrong results. Not because the things we love are bad, but because we’ve loved them in the wrong order.
Consider how this plays out with something as precious as family. Family is a beautiful gift from God, worthy of our love and dedication. But when we love our family more than we love God, something subtle but dangerous happens:
- We begin to idolize our children, living vicariously through their achievements
- Our identity becomes wrapped up in our role as parent or spouse
- We shield our family from necessary growth or consequences
- We compromise our values to maintain family harmony
- We neglect our spiritual lives for family activities
- We place unbearable pressure on our loved ones to be our source of satisfaction
Like the ring of power, our love for family — initially good and noble — becomes distorted when it takes God’s place. We find ourselves justifying behaviors we once would have condemned, all in the name of family first.
Here’s what we must understand: only God can provide true security, satisfaction, and significance. When we look to anything else — even something as wonderful as family or as rewarding as success — to fill these deep needs, we’re asking them to do something they were never designed to do.
It’s like asking a cup to hold an ocean. No matter how beautiful or valuable the cup, it will always fall short. And in our desperation to make it work, we often end up breaking both the cup and ourselves.
When God gave the Ten Commandments to Israel, He didn’t start with “Do not murder” or “Do not steal.” He began with “You shall have no other gods before me.” This wasn’t arbitrary. God knew that when we get the first commandment right — when we love Him supremely — all the other commandments naturally follow.
Right living is directly connected to rightly ordered loves. When we love God first, we gain the capacity to love everything else properly:
- Work becomes worship rather than an idol
- Family relationships flourish without the crushing weight of ultimate expectation
- Success serves a purpose without defining our identity
- Money becomes a tool rather than a master
Prayer
Lord, search my heart and reveal where I have elevated good things to Your place. Show me where my loves are disordered, where I seek security, satisfaction, and significance from sources that cannot provide them. Help me to love You with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength, knowing that only then can I truly love my neighbor — including my family — as myself. Teach me to hold all good gifts with open hands, enjoying them fully while worshiping only You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Reflection Questions
- What “good thing” in your life are you most tempted to love more than God?
- How has disordered love led to destructive behavior in your relationships?
- What would it look like to keep God first while still cherishing the good gifts He’s given you?
- Where are you seeking security, satisfaction, or significance outside of God?
Remember: The issue isn’t choosing between God and the good things in our lives. It’s about loving them in the right order. When God is first, everything else finds its proper place, and we become the people He created us to be.